


It's Not Goodbye

by Vai



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Bones cries, Daddy's GIrl, Family Feels, Gen, daddy/daughter feels, it's not goodbye, kids are clueless, not the best grammar I'm sorry, only 700 words, random drabble, you know you wanna read it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-05
Updated: 2014-03-05
Packaged: 2018-01-14 14:59:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1270741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vai/pseuds/Vai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joanna thinks about her dad and the day he left.  Short  drabble.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Not Goodbye

She knows her dad feels guilty.

He’s out there, exploring space millions of miles away while she’s stuck on Terran soil. Stuck in Georgia. Stuck.

He left years ago. She still remembers the day. Not exactly, of course, ‘cause she was just a little over 6 years old and scared of the screaming her momma was aiming at her daddy. She was hiding in her room with her hands over her ears trying to keep the screaming out ‘cause maybe if she couldn't hear them it wasn't happening and she could pretend that her momma loved her daddy and her daddy loved her momma and that they both loved her too much to fight. Her hands were still clamped over her ears when they were tugged away by daddy- she didn't even notice him come in- and a few tears were flowing from his eyes and why was daddy crying? Daddy never cried.

“Jojo, sweetheart, I don’t wanna go. I don’t wanna go so badly but pumpkin, your momma’s making me. I’d never leave you in a million years but I can’t stay and I can’t take ya. God, I wish I could take ya. I love ya so much, darlin’.”

He kisses her forehead and her cheeks and her nose and it’s not ‘till a few years later she makes the realization that maybe he was trying to memorize everything about her ‘cause he didn't know when he would see her again. Then he stands up, reaches for a suitcase she didn't realize he set down by her and turns briskly away. He starts out her door.

“Daddy?”

He keeps walking.

“Daddy? No! Stay! Don’t go!”

She clumsily follows him down the stairs. Momma’s standing by the door, the man who comes to play sometimes when daddy’s not home next to her.

“Momma! Don’t let him go! He has to stay!”

Momma purses her lips and looks away. Daddy goes out the door. She follows.

“Joanna! Don’t you dare go past that porch!” She’s confused why her momma would say that but she’s a good girl who listens to her parents so she stops on the first step of the stairs, holding onto the post of the railing and almost falling off.

“Daddy! Don’t go! I’ll be good, I promise!”

He keeps walking towards the cab that’s waiting for him at the end of the long driveway.

“Daddy! I love you!”

He pauses. His broad shoulders are tight, his large, comforting hands clenched. He ducks into the cab and shuts the door.

It’s only then that he turns back. She’s still surprised to see the tears in his eyes, ‘cause he’s daddy and daddy’s tough and strong and protecting and he never cries. Not ‘till now.

She doesn't wave. She reaches, straining, trying to catch him and bring him back. Only one foot’s still on the step, the other stretched up in the air to keep balance as she hangs off the railing as far as she can.

He doesn't wave. He places a hand on the window, regretting, wishing that he could just grasp her tiny form and whisk her away from Jocelyn and that man and keep her as close as he can. Images flash by in his mind- her playing nurse as he doctors on her dolls, reading her bedtime stories, almost bringing out his (not his anymore, _she_ took that) shotgun on a playmate who tried to sneak an innocent kiss.

They don’t wave. It’s too much like goodbye.

The cab leaves, and now that he is safely in the cab he knows he can watch his daughter as he goes because otherwise he would have run back, snatched her up, and demand to be given custody because clearly Jocelyn wasn't capable of caring for another living being.

Nowadays, Joanna only remembers snippets. _I can’t stay and I can’t take ya. Joanna, don’t go past that porch! Daddy! Daddy!_

She remembers reaching, straining, trying to catch her daddy so far away at the end of the driveway. And now, he’s far above her head, up in the stars they used to watch on clear nights in the summer roasting marshmallows and making up stories.

She knows her dad feels guilty. She wishes he wouldn't. It’s not his fault. She remembers his tears, his hand on the window, _I’d never leave you in a million years._

She believes him.

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't the first fanfic I've ever posted but it is my first one on AO3. Love reading fanfics on here but it's kinda strange to actually be posting one. This was inspired by my musings of how Joanna felt about her family situation and may just inspire me to write a few more. I'm not sure yet, so this is a oneshot, but I wouldn't be surprised if a short series of drabbles popped up out of this. I'm horrible at keeping commitments which is why I'm not promising anything. I mainly wrote this for myself but I hope at least one other person will like it!


End file.
